HORNY's blog

12

2008-11-17T15:44:00.001+11:00

catherine says my posts attempting to be deep suck.

11

2008-10-24T10:31:00.000+11:00

=IF(AND(goodweather,anna<>hunter),SUM(suk:anna)*bbq+wine+goodtimes,OFFSET(today,MATCH(saturday,weekday,0)-1,)*SUM((mike:pc)*(1-saelim))

10

2008-10-23T22:53:00.004+11:00

if virtue was rewarded, would it still be virtuous?
is love in the time of cholera, greater?
if we were all born equal, would it be fair?
why is the greatest good, the greatest good for the greater number?
why do things only become clear, after?
and without these moments of despair, can i truly find happiness?

9

2008-10-23T17:14:00.002+11:00

i know i've mentioned her in two recent posts but i really like lisa mitchell. she is a magician.

other things i like which immediately come to mind:
-drinking diet coke after eating thai
-the way my ipod earphones fit perfectly in my ear
-espresso from corto downstairs
-offset matches
-seeing stilletos get stuck in cracks in the pavement
-the snooze button on my alarm

8

2008-10-17T00:35:00.001+11:00

saw lisa mitchell @ the basement today.

i love how she shakes her head.

7

2008-10-09T10:59:00.003+11:00

anyway i googled something about dreams and i found this interesting dream posted at yahoo!answers. haha

I had a dream the stock market crashed and everyone sang the Star Spangled Banner?

Everyone watched together while the points fell to zero and it was like everyone felt there was nothing we could do but watch. And someone said 'Yeah, it's going to be zero, watch it, here it comes.' And the green lights on the board finally reached zero and the Star Spangled Banner started playing.

6

2008-10-09T10:43:00.000+11:00

i met a beautiful girl last night
in a dream just before i woke
i can't remember her face
i wonder if you can dream up real people?
i mean, real people that you've never met before?

5

2008-10-08T23:37:00.008+11:00

i'll have some of those neopolitan dreams.

you'll go and i'll be okay
i can dream the rest away
its just a little touch of fate, it will be okay
it sure takes its precious time, but it's got rights and so have i
i turn my head up to the sky
i focus one thought at a time
i do not let the little thieves under my tightly buttoned sleeves
you couldn't be alone, the time i feel like i am walking blind
i have nowhere, i'll have time
there are no legible signs
i like the way that you talk
i like the way that you walk
it's hard to recreate such an individual game
you wait your turn in the queue
you say your sorrys and thank yous
i don't think you're ever
a hundred percent in the room
you're not in the room
deepest, of the dark nights
here lies, the highest of highs
neopolitan dreams, stretching out to the sea

4

2008-10-08T11:51:00.005+11:00

i accidentally attended a gay rave.

3

2008-10-07T23:49:00.003+11:00

i'm trying to write in this everyday.

i missed a few days because it was a long weekend here in sydney.

i guess it was a good long weekend.

2

2008-10-03T07:42:00.005+10:00

twenty things that have happened in the last few years:

1. moved out to auburn
2. watched a mate throw his life away
3. fell in love with a junkie
4. fought an addiction to kebabs and singaporean noodles
5. left an interesting tub of ddokbokgi on the kitchen table for a housemate to find
6. buried a childhood friend
7. fell in love with a geek
8. worked in london
9. went to barca with wonks
10. saw daft punk
11. lived with a jew
12. hosted nye at my pad in bondi
13. befriended a bear-like scotsman
14. switched jobs twice
15. moved in with an old workmate
16. played too much pes
17. made random friends
18. snowboarded for the first time
19. bought a liberty
20. lost everything on the stock exchange

although i'm thankful for my experiences, i dont pretend to be a better person now than i was before. in fact, many outsiders looking in might say i've lost more than i've gained. i've definately made questionable choices.

but haha... i've had so much fun along the way.

i think i used to write to show people who i was. maybe i still do. narcissism is one of my many faults.

1

2008-10-02T22:14:00.008+10:00

i'm reaquainting myself with myself.

some of my older posts make me cringe. what a difference a few years can make.

some are quite insightful, and challenge me to revisit certain moments in these intense last few years. i wonder why i stopped asking why?

mostly though, i remember how fun it was to write in this stupid thing.

most of the blogs i used to visit religiously have, like mine, been abandoned. some have dissapeared altogether. it's sad to think that time erases the random footprints we leave behind.

:: 26 03 2007 ::

2007-03-26T22:42:00.000+10:00

Anyway so I read on, and a few pages ahead was an even more insightful quote!

"Lincoln once reprimanded a young army officer for indulging in a violent controversy with an associate. 'No man who is resolved to make the most of himself,' said Lincoln, 'can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitation of his temper and the loss of self control. Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones though clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.'

I had to re-read this quote a few times to appreciate it fully.

I challenge you to do the same.

:: 25 03 2007 ::

2007-03-25T20:27:00.000+10:00

I read something insightful today:

A man convinced against his will
Is of the same opinion still.

It's a lesson Dale Carnegie learns at a function, debating a moot point with one of the guests. The guest quotes Shakespeare, incorrectly saying it's from the Bible. DC corrects him, the guest sticks to his guns, so the two approach a Shakespearean scholar (also DC's friend) to pass judgement. The friend subtly kicks DC then says: "Dale, you are wrong. The gentleman is right. It is from the Bible."

When quizzed about it later, the friend tells DC: "Why prove a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save face? Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle."

His friend's, and subsequently Dale Carnegie's, point is this: in pursuing an argument such as this, you are putting yourself in a lose-lose situation. There can be no positive payoff.

If you lose the argument you lose. But suppose you win? What is there to gain? Nothing. And in cases where the argument does not have a black and white answer, the person you are convincing is unlikely to completely change their opinion.

I guess in application this is harder than it sounds. It means putting your ego aside, accepting your counterpart's error, and then moving on- all in one motion! Will you be recognised for your noble gesture? Unlikely.

It's hard for anyone to do; and much more for someone as argumentative as me. And as I write that last sentence I realise this is exactly where we go wrong: thinking of ourselves before others.

:: 17 03 2007 ::

2007-03-17T09:22:00.001+11:00

Oh yeah

.

:: 16 03 2007 ::

2007-03-16T13:43:00.000+11:00

PT to NB: you know you can verify the PDS orally you know?

(NB and me laugh)

NB: you mean verbally?
me: uh PT, we don't know how you've got verifications in the past, but here we take a more structured approach

(all laughing)

PT (wiping her eyes): hahaha yeah i mean verbally.. but for my music exams i had oral exams..

me: uh PT........ they're au-ral exams........

:: 15 03 2007 ::

2007-03-16T02:02:00.000+11:00

Just got home.

Despite the late hours, I don't think I remember a time when I've felt this satisfied with my life.

I wonder why.

:: 15 03 2007 ::

2007-03-16T00:18:00.000+11:00

Ok, I'm still at work.

But we're got The Bang Gang mixes playing. I mean, are these guys gods or what?

www.banggangpodcasts.com

:: 15 03 2007 ::

2007-03-15T12:25:00.000+11:00

So I just bought my FMF ticket from ebay.
$190.

What a farce.

I knew when the lineup came out months ago that it'd sell out. I mean, on the back of last year and the ever increasing festival scene in Sydney how could it not?

So the plan for satdee goes something like this:

Get there to catch some of the Riot in Belgium set between 1 and 2
then The Bang Gang (F*UCK YEAH!) play for an hour at the Kink stage (wonder how Dangerous Dan is going to run over from the Famous stage at the end of the Riot set?)
After which it's time to chill/stage hop between acts like Fedde Le Grand, Midnight Juggernaughts, The Egg, might even go stomp to Subbies music at the Godskitchen stage in memory of last winter
then............. the act of the day for me: Tom Novy I wanted to hear play again badly after 360
I hear Rex The Dog is good and......
then to finish the day Carl Cox , Chris Lake, and Garraud clash! What to f*ucking do? At least the finish won't be a dissapointment like Good Vibes

The weather the last few days has been perfect festival weather. Those cool breezy evenings. The music. Oh f*uck I can't wait.

:: 14 03 2007 ::

2007-03-14T17:23:00.000+11:00

If you're wondering why I haven't been posting; it is because I've been working. Like a f*ucking peon.

I tried to take five minutes to take a s*hit the other day but my manager called me on my mobile and told me to get my ass back at my desk. I was mid-s*hit so I had to wipe a few times before I could get out. I may as well as have just excreted the remainder because it took just as much time to wipe those extra few times. Rookie mistake.

You know, they should really get new toilet paper in work toilets. It's the little extra attention to detail which would really increase the morale of employees during the day. Not to mention all the productivity lost on pulling toilet paper out of the dispenser.

So work sucks. I get home at one, sleep til seven or eight, work til one sleep til seven or eight, work til one. You get the jist. Oh that's right, after work on Monday the taxi was halfway to my old place before I realised I'd moved back home! That was pretty funny.

What's also funny are a few quotes from my workmates. Yes, they are all real.

He should have two ribs removed
So he can suck his own c*ock!
-XX, inflamed at having to make PDS changes

You should be so lucky…
I’m good in bed
-XX, in relation to XX’s purple shirt

Well XX has a coldsore
And now I’m starting to get one too
-XX, referring to the run of late nights at work

XX: Toss the boss! OOOH I love that game! (Jiggles her arms in excitement)
XX (boss): ouh kaaaaaay…..
-XX, expressing her love for the board game in front of the boss

XX: How do you know she’s fat?
XX: Because she wouldn’t walk 800 metres from the train station!
-XX, in reference to our PDS proof reader’s daughter

A guy asked me to once
And I was like
Noo, anywhere but there
Anywhere but there!
-XX, animatedly expressing her distaste for a-hole sex

:: 10 03 2007 ::

2007-03-10T09:07:00.000+11:00

I'm packing my stuff into boxes.

There's so many things lying around that bring back memories from the last year . I think it's the colder weather too; reminds me of last winter. Geez.

Oh. I'm going to miss this place.

:: 08 03 2007 ::

2007-03-09T01:44:00.001+11:00

I may as well be doing IB.

:: 07 03 2007 ::

2007-03-07T09:11:00.000+11:00

I just read that last post and it's pretty disgusting. I don't know why I shared that. Sorry.

This morning in the shower I brushed my teeth and shampooed my hair at the same time. Phoar! That's like taking that rub-your-tummy-while-patting-your-head thing to the next level.

:: 06 03 2007 ::

2007-03-07T01:22:00.000+11:00

I f*ucking just got home and instead of sleeping I'm writing in here again. What I'm really doing is waiting for my washing. I have no undies left for tomorrow.

That reminds me: NB, AT and I were having a conversation the other day about re-using undies. NB cracked a joke that it was ok to turn them around and re-use them. AT retorted that it was like rubbing your d*ick on your ass. I can't for the life of me remember how we got onto the topic now that I think about it.

We do have some strange conversations at work.

Today GA forwarded a picture that his wife in Malaysia sent him of a cold medicine she's taking. One of the ingredients was "ass glue". No joke. I'll post the picture tomorrow.

Anyway, I used the Quick mode which takes thirty minutes so I might squeeze in a shower.

:: 06 03 2007 ::

2007-03-06T09:38:00.000+11:00

For breakfast, I have a bowl of Sultana Bran at work every morning.

I eat it at my desk while reading smh.com.

When I finish, I take my bowl and silver spoon to the kitchen. I rinse the bowl and put it in the dishwasher. Then I clean my silver spoon (which is this huge ass silver dessert spoon that I keep in my top drawer), dry it with a paper towel and carry it back to my desk.

As I pass NB, who sits opposite me, I poke it across his face in a swashbuckling motion. Pusssssscha!

But he's not here today.

It felt kinda wierd; him not being there to swing my spoon at.. I had the urge to swashbuckle anyway but decided against it.

Routine, that's what it does to you.

:: 05 03 2007 ::

2007-03-05T10:00:00.000+11:00

I just saw a fat man reach for his umbrella and knock over his coffee with his belly.

:: 04 03 2007 ::

2007-03-04T18:59:00.000+11:00

I think I've managed to catch myself another cold. Talk about having no immune system. Although it's no surprise because I haven't been getting much sleep and have only been eating junk. I really should try to take it easy on weekends and catch up on sleep.

My lease ends next week and I was planning to go back to my parents for a while unitl I decide where to go next, but I'm beginning to dread going back. I should have listened to the punters who told me to get off my lazy ass and find a place.

Finding a place isn't easy. It eats up weekends, and with rents rising I'm thinking buying a place might even be an option. Prices will soon start rising again so now might be a good time to buy.

Where would i go though? I reckon Glebe might be a go..

:: 27 02 2007 ::

2007-02-27T13:21:00.000+11:00

My pommy workmate AT always chucks a shit after lunch.

I know this because I always chuck a shit after lunch. I lag him by about 15 minutes. I know it's him because he's got something wrong with his stomach and it grumbles all the time.

Anyway AT always goes in the left cubicle, I always go into the right one. We were having a discussion the other day about this.

I always go into the right one because it looks less appealing. NB, GA and AT all go to the left one because the right one has what looks like a cigarette burn mark on the seat. My reasoning is that the less appealing one will be used less and so (although it appears less appealing) will be cleaner.

I love game theory.

:: 26 02 2007 ::

2007-02-26T23:23:00.000+11:00

Just got home from work. We're busy trying to launch a fund; it's pretty fucked up but at least it keeps my mind off things.

A close workmate of mine just broke up with his bird of four years over the weekend. The moon must be in some wierd position because the cabbie who drove me home just got out of a relationship too! No joke. He's the one that brought up the subject. A big black bloke from the West Indies, his take on relationships was surprsingly refreshing.

A lot of girls don't know what they want, he said.

I mean, he's right. A lot of girls don't know what they want. But in my most recent case, and my workmate's as well; they were also young. You can't really expect someone young to know what they want, and even if they do- you can't really expect them to commit the rest of their lives. So I guess most relationships come to a point (sooner or later) where you have to step up to the next level of commitment or get a little hurt and be on your way.

I went to a wedding on the weekend (congrats again Fred and Steph and thanks for making me a part of your night) where the groom was the bride's first boyfriend from the age of sixteen. They married after eight years together. Very, very sweet.

It did make me think.

I'm not sure which I would have preferred: the sweetness of a single innocent love; or the character building life experience of loving and losing a number of times.

What I mean is, if I could go back in time and somehow have a choice in the matter which would I choose? I can't say for sure.

I think I might have chose the second.

:: 23 02 2007 ::

2007-02-23T10:45:00.000+11:00

It's a wonder how much people open up to you when you open yourself up to them. Over coffee with my manager today, I've regained my footing.

His advice was standard; but one thing in particular struck a chord. Your time is your own now so use it to consolidate your life to be ready for the future.

In essence, he was telling me to be prepared. It reminded me of my principles, and the passion for life that enabled me to write this post. Sure, I've changed since then but reading it again has inspired me.

I take comfort in knowing who I am; what I want; and where I am heading.

The last year of my life was the best so far, I'm thankful for it and for everyone that made it happen. I'll always look back on it with fondness. But nostalgia is a beautiful haze that clouds reality.

It's time to move on.

:: 21 02 2007 ::

2007-02-21T09:16:00.000+11:00

Ok.
I better stop feeling sorry for myself.

:: 20 02 2007 ::

2007-02-20T18:40:00.000+11:00

today was hard to begin with,
it's never easy to adjust.
i have to stop myself over and over again.
in the train this morning, i couldn't help the tears welling up in my
eyes; so i closed them all the way to the city.
i let my heart cry those tears
and they flowed into my stomach.
i wonder why noone asks personal questions at work.
my manager's wife left a year ago to work in malaysia.
i'm going to ask him tomorrow what he does when he misses her.

:: ... ::

2007-02-19T18:37:00.000+11:00

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.hlkjasdliiiasj.ejjjii.b.ij.ea''x,ca"sifjosi.s0iasd.tlkjla.tsdkl.ijmja.mlk.ek

sd.wasjkd.h,opps.aoidsfd'd'c.talsi,jdas,.epask.vlds.el.rsa.ylk.odssss

s.ujo.d.oejjidnc.buo.aijk.biooooo.yaojjji...bkj.epiajook.hiopj.aoi.pfid

'x.pna.y

:: HELLO ::

2006-08-12T21:07:00.000+10:00

Spread the news.

Horny's back.

:: SCOOTER ::

2006-02-20T22:17:00.000+11:00

Scooter died on Sunday.

:: CHAPTER FOUR: WONKI ARRIVES::

2006-02-08T23:12:00.000+11:00

Hello Wonks.

Before we begin guys, please take two seconds to wish my sister happy birthday. Who cares if you don't know her. Shes twenty-one.

Ok, back to the story. My memory is hazy, but I remember being excited the day she was born. "We're going to see the baby!", dad was saying. Who cares, I thought: I just wanted to see mum.

And so I celebrated the birth of my sister because I got to see my mum again. Ugh. What a mama's boy.

We'll get to this later.

Anyway, they soon brought her home. Finally I would have someone to talk to. How wrong I was, she didn't even know how to spell cat. "SEE AY TEE! CAT! CAT!", I seethed. No matter how hard I tried, she just wanted to sleep. It wasn't easy, but I calmed my frustrations by reading Spot Goes to the Dentist.

Thank God I'm a patient man, because she is now my bestest best friend.

Hey Wonks, did you hear that?

You are my bestest best friend. Happy birthday.

:: MEME ::

2006-02-08T13:25:00.000+11:00

Meme? To me, meme is being hit by a stick on your ass.

I felt this wasn’t the exact meaning of the word and found it here instead. Apparently the word rhymes with theme and is used to refer to a sort of cultural identity. I think that means that by reading someone’s meme, you will get some sense of their culture, but I can’t say for sure.

Whatever the case Jen, I’m usually a dead end for chain emails and forwards. So I’d apologise for not continuing the tagging, but I wouldn’t really mean it, so I may as well just shut and up and smile.

Instead, here are ten movies which you may not have seen that I enjoyed thoroughly:

1. City of God
2. In America
3. Closer
4. Friday Night Lights
5. Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events
6. Lost in Translation
7. Matchstick Men
8. Garden State
9. Adaptation
10. Requiem for a Dream

I don't give any guarantees that you'd enjoy them all, but I'm quite sure In America will hit the spot.

:: CHAPTER THREE: EARLY DAYS ::

2006-01-28T14:21:00.000+11:00

Growing up was hard, life in the real world was nothing like floating around in my mum's tummy. The first thing I concentrated on learning was what things were. To do this I had no choice than to put things into my mouth whenver I could. Similar to the experimental adventures of alchemists of old, it was an interesting experience. My experiments allowed me to understand the texture, taste, utility, durability and discover the potential for future use of thousands of objects. This would soon stop as my library of knowledge increased (but not stop altogether e.g. at four I would lick a battery and get strange shock; at five i would eat glue; and just last week, I ate Lebanese and thought I would die).

This is me at eleven months.

My first birthday. Koreans celebrate this day, called the baby's "dol", by preparing a table of goodies and dressing the kid in ridiculous clothes. A tradition is to place various items in front of the kiddo, allowing him/her to choose which ones are most dear to his/her heart. What the kid chooses is meant to be a precursor of their future.

Apparently I picked up a pencil. They say it's meant to mean that I would turn out to be scholarly, but the reason I picked it up was because (from experience) it fit so nicely in my hand. I like things that fit nicely in my hand, like peaches and apples and C cupped breasts. If someone had explained the reason for what I was doing, I would have definately picked up the money.

Life continued in that experimental fashion. This is me at two years. I liked to run, and this path outside our apartment was to be my track where the imaginary crowd cheered as I ran my 100m dash. The thumbs up is obviously to my supporters. I love you all.

:: CHAPTER TWO: MUM, DAD AND ME MAKE THREE::

2006-01-17T20:53:00.002+11:00

Whilst my dad was off chasing chicks Down Under, my mum walked lonely white fields of snow alone. How they got together is a mystery, but it was something along the lines of: my mum's aunt gave my dad my mum's email address, and he wrote love letters to her day and night. Bewitched by his literary prowess, she decided to marry him on the spot. Ok sure that I can understand, but what was my dad thinking to marry such a crazy woozer? I'd like to think it was for her beauty, but I suspect it was because he couldn't get anyone better.

My mum apparently had a bit of trouble getting into the country. She tells me it was because of some immigration issue but I'm quite sure it was because her mother packed a tub full of kimchi into her suitcase. What is it with Korean relos and packing suitcases full of food??? Last time I was in Korea my aunt slipped a couple of packs of instant ramen in my bag. I mean, instant fucking ramen for God's sake. You can buy that shit in Afghanistan. If you're Korean, you'll have experience the overzealous relo at least once in your life. Anyway, it must have been a shit load of kimchi that my grandmother packed, because my mum got sent back home for about a year whilst they decided what to do with it.

They finally let her in, to my dad's delight, because now gone were the days of eating pizza out of a box. He now had a wife that would cook dwen jang jee gae for him. That dwen jang jee gae must have been pretty damn good, because I was born soon after.

I'm curious to know what my dad did during that year without his wife. I mean, a year alone is pretty damn long.. and you can't exactly forsake your vows. I guess there was a lot on his plate at the time.

You see, my dad's mother lost her battle with cancer three months before I was born. I'm told she often rubbed my mum's tummy and assured her the baby was a boy. How did she know? Who knows, but it's a 50-50 bet i guess.

My mum tried to get me to look at the camera in this photo, but there was this chick walking past in hot pants.

I learned to read from an early age and took a keen interest in current events. Dad, however, was more interested in looking at the pictures. It was a frustrating time for me.

And at the tender age of one (actually I don't know how old I am so I made that up), I was baptised a Catholic. Here it looks like I don't like my godfather, but really it was because the water was bloody cold.

Anyway, these early days were generally good for me. Everyone did everything for me, I just had to pretend I didn't understand what they were saying. Sometimes when I was hungry I'd just scream and cry and kick up a fuss. What a joke.

:: PICK UP LINES ::

2006-01-09T15:58:00.000+11:00

Some of you may know that SMH runs a News Blog section on their website. It's less of a gay blog (like mine) and more of a forum (like those forum thingies) where people post comments about a certain topic. Anyway, in my troubled state (trying to get back into the swing of things after a two week break over the festive season) I stumbled across a goldmine of a topic: pick up lines.

You have to read some of these: click here for the article.

Anyway so I incredulously exclaimed:

---------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> "HORNY (AU - Sydney)" 01/09/06 3:55 pm >>>
Hahahahaha
yeh
man these people must be joking right?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

To which she replied:

---------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Yeji [mailto:yeji@-------.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 9 January 2006 4:00 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE:

hahaha nah have u seen some of the losers at bars? the loser men use the lines on the loser women then they get together and breed and thats how we end up with more losers in the world! thats why they've tried to ban losers from bars by putting bouncers out the front so that the cycle might be broken but unfortunately there was a flaw somewhere in the model.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

There should be laws against this. It was something I proposed a number of years ago actually- I mean, sure get together but please do not procreate. No kid deserves to be born into this world with such a debilitating disability.

Ok. Maybe I've stepped over the line with that one, but they should at least ban fat chicks from wearing hot pants. Ugh.

:: CHAPTER ONE: HORNY IS BORN ::

2005-12-23T00:18:00.000+11:00

It was a Friday night.

Whilst the jocks were cruising in their Ford Thunderbirds, arms around beautiful ladies, thousands of science geeks headed to theatres to watch The Empire Strikes Back.

And on that night, just before the clock stuck twelve, I was born.

It was the nineteenth of November, nineteen eighty-two.

----------------------------------------------------------

They say we were all once part of a star.

Well that must have been a fucking long time ago, because all I could think of how fucking gross it was being covered in blood and placenta and umbilical shit.

The doctor however, was slightly more concerned with my survival.

You see, I had squeezed myself out of there earlier than expected. Almost three months earlier in fact. I was one point four kilograms and barely larger than the doctor’s two hands. Shit, I momentarily thought to myself, shoulda fucking stayed in there longer. But then I saw the nurse and knew instantly my reason for being.

But for now, I had to concentrate on breathing.

I had to fight for every single breath and to tell you the truth; I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

----------------------------------------------------------

:: 22 12 2005 ::

2005-12-23T00:10:00.000+11:00

In an fleeting moment of genius, I have been inspired to write an autobiography.

:: 21 12 2005 HORNY FOR SALE ::

2005-12-21T19:53:00.000+11:00

FOR SALE

One HORNY, immaculate condition.

Average height, athletic build and eyes which dissapear when smiling.

Can run the 100m in 11 seconds, solve a Rubik's cube in under 3 minutes and can press the snooze button first time, everytime.

Regretful sale as owner no longer is able to feed him.

AUD$POA. GST will be payable by successful applicant.

Must sell before Christmas.

:: 19 12 2005 ::

2005-12-19T22:17:00.000+11:00

Far out work is hectic.

I'm starting to really feel that it is taking over my life. Zac mate, give me some advice. You know, how to not be like you.

It's almost Christmas, and the only woozers I'm interested in are either:
A) Someone years older;
B) Hooked up; or
C) A little birdie I've waited for over long winter nights.
Ok, so theres also:
D) The sheila, you know Suk- your friend;
E) That girl I had a crush on during junior high school and never had the guts to tell;
F) That girl I watched 'The Terminal' with (are you still hooked up?);
G) This girl at my work, (you know..);
H) That small cute chick;
I) Oh this Manager at my work, yeah she's cute (Kathy, you know rite? haha);
J) That other small cute chick;
K) My ex-girlfriend who is now married (yeh- marriage is a sham. Haha ok this joke is in bad taste but Suk it's in here for you to enjoy);
L) That chick that fell on her face at the cinemas (haha yeah right, as if I'd ever see you again);
M) While I'm at it I might as well add you, yes you haha ; and
edit 19122005 11:43PM I'm officially taking you off this list. As much as I love you, this is one list you definately do not belong on. /edit
N) You, well.. your eyes scare me; and
O) You, but you're too good a friend. If things fucked up, how bored would I be?
Ok, I'm just trying to get to Z.
I might as well add:
P) Suk, cos you're almost a girl;
Q) Oh how could I forget you (I hate you Rose);
R) You (second grade primary school);
S) That girl I was seeing a few summers back (you are freaky girl);
T) You, sorry I never called back. You scared me, you're four years older for God's sake;
U) Oh how could I forget, you;
V) And you, I never fucking played you alright?
W) That sister hahaha with the nice legs;
X) The black jack dealer at Star City;
Y) Oh yeh hahahahahaha you how fucking awkward was that? Sorry; and
Z) I'd just like to mention B) again. I know, I feel it too, but it'll never happen between us. We missed the boat.
AA) Ok. And I have to mention you. You'll be one that got away. But I had so much fun while it lasted.

Anyway hahaha that was a nice list to compile. Brought back some funny memories.

Looks like two lonely Christmases in a row.

:: MCCARTHY ::

2005-12-14T23:46:00.000+11:00

So who read my previous post and thought “Who the fuck is McCarthy?”. Well if you did, take heart in knowing you are one better than your friend who asked, “What the fuck is McCarthy”.

So McCarthy, or rather Senator Joseph McCarthy, was the dude who whipped America into a paranoid Communist witch hunting frenzy. Sure, maybe there were some crazy Commies around but this dude breached a shit load of civil rights in the name of national security.

If you had spent more time listening in History class and less time trying to look up the teacher’s skirt, you may recall what I mean. Some of you may even be old enough to have experienced it firsthand. If so, you must be old now and becoming impotent. I feel your pain. Uh, actually I don’t. Sorry.

Anyway, what I refer to in my warning below is not the manipulation of the government, but rather the susceptibility of the public to the power of the media.

“If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing." - Malcolm X

:: 12 12 2005 ::

2005-12-12T10:55:00.000+11:00

Work is busy as hell but I still find the time to have my long black and blueberry bagel (toasted no butter please) whilst writing in here. Yes I know. My unloserness overwhelms me.

-------------
Edit 1:18AM 13122005: Can't sleep.

Today's SMH front page.

When I first saw this on the front page of the paper in the kitchen this morning, I felt so sick in the stomach I literally had to close my eyes.

This shit's fucked up.

Remember McCarthy Australia.

---------------------------------
Edit 2:38PM 13122005: So sick in the stomach I literally had to close my eyes? Uh, what I meant was I felt sick cos I ate some sushi. Yeah. Uh, I'm not gay.

Geez I hate when I write gay shit like that.

Remember Sammy Jankis.

:: ANALYSE THIS ::

2005-12-09T11:08:00.000+11:00

I have developed a psychoanalytical study based on questions from five scenarios. Your participation is welcome.

Instructions: Rank your answers from most likely to least likely for each scenario. Even if you think a particular answer doesn't apply to you, it must be included in your answer. Just stick it lower down your preferences as applicable. Your psychoanalytical results will be posted within twenty-four hours.

Scenario One
You are sitting in a bar with five of your friends, drinking and having a great time. A good looking [insert your sexual preference] lingers near your group and finally asks, "How you guys going?". [He/She] is alone and seems to looking at you. You are most likely to:

A. Answer "having a good time" and continue with the conversation you were having with your friends, oblivious to the fact that you have just been the recipient of a pick up line.
B. Wait for someone else to answer.
C. Giggle stupidly.
D. Flirt. (For you men: being friendly, putting your hand on her back, and taking her to the bar for a drink all qualify as flirting.)
E. You would have flirted if you were alone or in a smaller group.
F. Ignore [him/her] because picking up in bars is wierd.

Scenario Two
You are the parent of twin boys, aged ten. At the beginning of the year you have made a deal to purchase them a Sony PSP if they do all their homework for the year. Only one does. The other maintains that he has tried his best, but you have your doubts. You are at the toy store, and the other boy looks forlorn. The shop assistant looks at you quizzically because you obviously have two twins but are only purchasing one toy. You are most likely to:

A. Purchase one PSP, because a deal is a deal.
B. Purchase two PSPs, because you dread the problems you are going to have to face if they each don't have their own.
C. Purchase two PSPs, because hey, he tried his best and that is what matters.
D. Purchase two PSPs, because you don't want the shop assistant to think you are a cheapskate or a bad parent.
E. Ask the boys what they think you should do, so an outcome where all three of you are happy can be achieved.
F. Buy no PSPs, go home, and discuss with your [husband/wife] the ideal course of action.

Scenario Three
You are in the fortunate position of having six [men/women] who desperately want to date you, with the intention to marry. Assuming your intention is to maintain a proper long-term relationship, you are most likely to choose:

A. The one who is extremely rich, but looks are ordinary. [His/her] reputation in the community is solid, and you know you will enjoy fine food, ride in expensive cars and visit exotic places you have only dreamed of.
B. The one who is extremely beautiful, but slightly on the unintelligent side. [His/her] body makes your mouth water, and you know you will have the best sex, every day, for the rest of your life (well the part that counts anyway).
C. The old friend who has just confessed [his/her] love for you. You have the best conversations but you're concerned that you may lose a close friend if things go awry.
D. The one who is average at everything. Average looks, average intelligence, average bank balance. But you know [he/she] will be faithful to you until the end of time.
E. The one who is extremely intelligent, decent looking, but currently very poor. [He/she] is always borrowing from friends but there is a good chance that one day one of [his/her] ideas will make [him/her] into a multi-millionare. [His/her] energy intrigues you.
F. The one who is extremely rich, beautiful and intelligent. However, [he/she] is flirting everywhere you go but maintains that [he/she] is faithful to you. You know you are going to have trust issues.

Scenario Four
You wake up one morning and come to the sudden realisation that you are not doing what you really want. You are well established in your career, having worked for about five years, and following your dreams requires you to start from the very bottom. You may even need to go back to university. The most important thing for you to do is:

A. Talk to your family and friends, who know you the best but do not have any in-depth knowledge of the industry you are in or the one you want to go into.
B. Talk to experts in the industry you want to enter, about their experiences, current opportunities and the industy in general. These people are strangers.
C. Research the industry on the internet.
D. Talk to people you currently work with, to get their advice but mostly so you don't burn any bridges if you do decide to leave.
E. Scope out your financial situation and perform a feasibility analysis.
F. Ignore what you are feeling because hey, that kind of thinking only causes problems and that promotion is only a few months away.

Scenario Five
Your best friend comes to you and tells you [he/she] is considering leaving [his/her] career to follow their childhood dream. The most important thing for [him/her] to consider is:

A. How much happier [he/she] going to be.
B. How much money [he/she] needs to forego.
C. How hard it is going to be for [him/her]to go back to study and break into the industry.
D. What is [his/her] ultimate goal.
E. [His/her] persistence level.
F. The effect of [his/her] decision on others (e.g. family, friends).

----------------------------------------------------
I'll post my answers soonish.

:: 02 12 2005 NGUYEN EXECUTED ::

2005-12-02T15:28:00.001+11:00

Van Nguyen was executed today. Nine am. It's fucked up that he's dead. But come on, there is way too much media hype around this. This is a guy who carried, effectively, twenty six thousand doses of heroin on his back. That's right. Twenty six THOUSAND.

I found a good example of the hype at smh.com. Victorian QC Robert Richter is quoted saying: "Changi is a place that resonates in the Australian psyche ... we remember Changi for the unspeakable horrors that happened there under Japanese occupation. But what happened at Changi this morning is more shameful and worse."

More shameful and worse? Are you sure about this Mr Victorian QC Robert Richter? Or do you want to qualify your opinion? You have just slapped the faces of the POWs, Australian or otherwise, that suffered defending the Queen which you Counsel. You fucking idiot.

To all you Australians who cry: think of Singapore. To back down is to compromise their position. To become a hub for drug trafficking is not an option.

Capital punishment. Good or bad? Imagine with me, if you will, the first policy makers. The wisest men of their time. I imagine they sat around in a circle, discussing the penalties they should create to keep the world in order. An eye for and eye. That's fair, they would have all agreed. Why? Not because that's what that the offender deserved but because that would be sufficient to stop him from poking someone else's eye in the first place. But what penalty would stop someone, say, killing my children? one of the wise men would ask. Death, they decided, because there wasn't anything more they could take. You see, capital punishment was meant to stop shit like that from happening.

Singapore is sending a message: don't fucking take drugs through our country. If no one did, there'd be no problem. Unfortunately, some people just don't listen.

Mrs. Ngyuen, my deepest sympathies. I hope your son's death is the catalyst in saving the lives of twenty six thousand, twenty six thousand times over. And it might.

May God judge fairly.

------------------------------------------------------
I am not an advocate of the death penalty, nor do I consider it a policy of choice. These opinions have been formed from my limited experience and knowledge, and if you disagree, good on yar.

Edit: Ok guys. I've had a few discussions about this topic during the course of this evening. I'd be interested in hearing your opinions. If you have one that is.

:: 02 12 2005 AM ::

2005-12-02T11:47:00.000+11:00

My bladder feels like it's going to burst. In my morning-after-being-drunk stupor, I try to ignore it. Doesn't work. Take a piss. Oh shit, that feels good. Look at the clock. Seven. Go back to sleep. What time is it? Eight thirty. Fuck, it felt like five minutes. Close my eyes. Open my eyes. It's nine.

Shave. Shower. I can hear insects chirping outside. It's going to be warm. I can still feel alchohol pulsing through my veins. Feel the warmth everytime I breathe out. I start to sweat. Wipe my forehead. Shit. My head feels like it weighs a hundered kilos.

Ten fifteen. As I open the glass door to my floor I see two people. I laugh inside. GR points towards the kitchen. Breakfast, he says. Ah, no wonder. They're all in there.

The kitchen is packed. Bacon and eggs. Croissants. Cheese on everything. There is a definate aura of grease.

I walk back to my desk. Glass of OJ and a toasted bacon egg cheese something. Skip the chit chat. I can't be fucked standing.

Fuck. Today is going to be productive.

:: 30 11 2004 PM::

2005-11-30T22:23:00.000+11:00

KL resigned today. Bastard. He keeps me sane. That's two senior analysts from our group gone in as many months.

I go take a shit. Think. Inspired to write a memo, Jerry Maguire style. I picture myself handing it to my Partner. I'm going to do it, I decide.

Twelve twenty. My stomach yawns. I send KL an email: RAMEN? in font size 150. KL sits three metres away from me, our backs facing each other. He replies: ok. By email.

Meal is satisfying. My sodium level increases. Conversation is varied.

Work. KL comes around. Four fifteen. Second coffee. Work some more.

Agree to meet Suk for dinner. He wants to go to some Mongolian place. Fucking Mongolia. I have no idea what he's talking about, but agree to meet him anyway. Six o five. I say I'll be at his office by half past. I leave at six thirty five.

The place is in Darling Harbour. We sit down outside. All you can eat plastic. You choose what you want buffet style, then they stir-fry the shit for you. Worst meal since I ate at 100% Modern Asian Cuisine in Flemington. Weather is perfect though. This is what I love about summer. Suk asks me about stuff. He's been reading my blog. I tell him I'm over it. What an anticlimax, I say. Conversation topics seesaw. I tell him about my Jerry Maguire idea. I talk myself out of it. Memo is too formal, I say. Suk doesn't need to say a thing. I will sit down with my Partner and Director however. Air my concerns. Give some suggestions. Snakes and ladders, Suk refers to metaphorically. Make or break. Next topic. It's dark now. I want a coffee. Remember I'm at an asian joint and order a Heineken instead. Suk gets a coconut gelato. One beer and I can feel my face becoming flushed. I get red when I drink.

Make a detour on the way to the station. I need to piss. Bad. I resist the almost uncontrollable urge to piss on the wall. What is it about beer that make you want to piss all over the wall? I've done it before. Many times. Loss of inhibition, I answer myself.

The train ride home is shortened by deep thought. My conversation with my Partner plays in my head a hundred times. Each time it plays, I tweak a few words. I'm satisfied around Concord West. Perfect timing. Two more stops.

Home. Ah. Comfortable pants. Not many things bring me more satisfaction.

Anyway, be back tomorrow. Unless I get too pissed at my Christmas party. In which case I'll tell you about it later.

:: 30 11 2005 AM::

2005-11-30T17:35:00.000+11:00

Woke up early. Pressed snooze. Fucking annoying alarm where is that off button? Ahh. If sleep had a flavour it would taste like mild sugar water.

Ended up late. A fly followed me into the train. I sat between two men and felt like a hand in a pocket. Tried to keep my mind off the warmth by thinking of rain but ended up sleeping instead. Bloody annoying fly. Tried to ignore it but it tickled. I think I read somewhere that flies taste with their feet. Pictured the fly tasting me. Eew. Drifted into a half sleep.

Cool air outside. Weather looks bleak. It will definately rain later. I don't wait for the lights at the crossing. I synchronise between traffic movements. Feel slightly superior to the drones waiting patiently.

Wait for the elevator. Choose in my head one of eight elevators. I sometimes point when I'm in a good mood. You should see the look on people's faces when I get it right. I get it wrong today. Level three already pressed. Uncomfortable elevator silence. It's nine fifteen. Do these guys always get in this late?

Ah my desk. Fuck. Red light on the telephone. It means I have messages. My bag of Pascall's Chocolate Eclairs is missing.

LM: So how was it? He means the exam. Questionable, I answer.

DP: So you working half days since you got back? It's a joke around here. When someone leaves at ten pm we say: what is this part time bullshit? Easing back into it. I make a hand gesture as I say it. We laugh. Catch up on what's going on.

KL comes around. We go down for coffee. Large skim cap, large latte and a regular long black. I'm the long black.

Work. Blog. I'll be back later.

Ran into T in the foyer as I went to get my coffee. In the office today? I asked. Here's the latter end of the email exchange:
-----------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 2:57 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Lets have lunch this friday. I need to ask you some guy advice.

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 2:58 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Guy advice as in GUY advice?

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 2:59 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Hahaha yes GUY advice dammit

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:01 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Oh bugger
I was gona ask you out on a date
But.. I guess I could give you advice
Like: yeh the guy sounds gay

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:04 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

What?! Join the line then mate!! Hahaha cause you’d be the only one in the very short line!
Why would he sound gay??

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:07 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Haha
Who cares about the reason?

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:07 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Hmmmm thanks for ruining my day…

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:10 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Ohh don’t say that
Look you tell me all about the man and I promise I wont call him gay
Lunch on fri ive got it written in black permanent marker

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:11 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

k

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:13 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

What u doing tonight?

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:15 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Nothing. U?

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:17 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Im meeting you
What time you get off?

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:18 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

What for? Too tired, going hm at like….5:30.

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:20 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Ack.

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:23 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Sound like a biatch don’t i?

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:51 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Oh.. without the a
Stop playing hard to get

------------------------------------------
From: T (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 3:59 PM
To: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

Hahaha me?!!!

------------------------------------------
From: HORNY (AU - Sydney)
Sent: Wednesday, 30 November 2005 4:07 PM
To: T (AU - Sydney)
Subject: RE: In the office today?

No, the person behind you

------------------------------------------
No further reply. Haha. Maybe there was a cute chick sitting behind her. As you can see, my love life is smooth sailing. Smooth in the sense that its smoother than Gandhi's ass crack.

Be back later to tell your bored asses about the rest of my day.

:: 29 11 2005 ::

2005-11-29T22:56:00.000+11:00

Maybe I will just write about my day. You know. Document my activities.

Sat my CA exam today. Questionable whether I passed. Felt shit, but realised I didn't care.

Finally got my CD player to work. Got the CD out with a nail file.

Watched Elizabethtown, a movie with a gay ending but enjoyable on the whole. Kirsten Dunst is cute.

Washed my car. Vaccumed and waxed. My arms hurt, but my car looked greener. My reflection on the bonnet was green too. The sky was grey. It rained. But I didn't really care. Thought of Kirsten. She's cute.

Ate a steak. Conversation was good. Sampled someone's gelato. Made an early exit.

Called her again. She didn't pick up. Again. Got the idea, well, more like finally accepted it really. True, I haven't put up much of a fight like I promised myself I would.

What's the point of fighting really. Fighters end up losers. Losers in the sense that they are gay. I want to fight though. She's worth it.

:: I HATE WHEN I WRITE GAY SHIT LIKE THAT ::

2005-11-25T19:08:00.000+11:00

Ah (exhale) fuck it.

What makes me write gay shit like that?

I'm out fer a drink.

:: FUCK ::

2005-11-25T18:43:00.000+11:00

With what will I fill the chasm that was you?

:: FIVE WORD STORIES ::

2005-11-23T01:00:00.000+11:00

What is it?

http://fivewordstories.blogspot.com

:: O GLOOMY DAY ::

2005-11-20T21:23:00.000+11:00

It is time to mourn.

For Keano is gone, for Keano is gone.

Woe, woe.

Our captain is gone.

:: DEAR JOE ::

2005-11-05T13:08:00.000+11:00

Thanks Joe, for making me feel.

Every once in a while, I come across something that makes me feel. Sometimes it’s a movie, sometimes it’s music. Sometimes it’s a few words that pierce to the core of what I am.

What is it about fate that inexorably brings together people who should have nothing to do with each other, entangling them in a gnarl of thorns to choke the lives that should have been?

Life isn’t fair. Everyday we walk the streets, passing by people who we will never know. Why do we meet the people we meet? Why do we have the people we have?

More often than not, you don’t get what you deserve.

But Joe, I take peace in knowing the power of the mind. I take peace in hoping that art, music and film will continue to teach us what we are unable to experience firsthand- of love, of beauty, of hope.

Of the eternal struggle.

Don’t be afraid to live the life that should have been.

:: BOVINE DIALOGUES ::

2005-11-01T23:05:00.000+11:00

Free the cows! Free the cows!

But why? And to what avail? For a world with no steak is a world bereft of meaning.

Free the cows! Free the cows! To green pastures, full cream milk and pork chop barbeques!

Bovine walking the streets? Bovine sharing our trains? And what of the unemployed? Shall we ignore the social boundaries our forefathers have died protecting? The fences which are symbolic of the suffering saints who have allowed us the lives we live today?

We should be friends! We should be friends!

Friends? Should we? But friendship is fleeting, and love lasts the briefest of moments and life.. well life is too short.

Life? Short? Try living the life of a humble bovine. There is no time to ponder the meaning of life. There is no time to wait until the grass is greener. No picking and choosing. It’s yellow grass is better than dirt, green grass is better than yellow grass, and you know what they say.

Yeah yeah. The grass is always greener on the other side. But why?

Well I have a theory. I think the dew which falls overnight refracts the light creating a aura of greenicity which, when viewed from the other side, creates an aura of green.

Ah.

Hey where are you going?

Will you at least moo with me?

Moo with me. Come on.. moooooooooo

Moo.

----------------------------------------------------
Inspired by a real conversation I had with a cow.

:: EXCELLENCE ::

2005-11-01T00:01:00.000+11:00

That which we are, we are…
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
-“Ulysses”
Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Excellence is the fruit of a journey of persistence.

Not the destination, but in the path itself.

Excellence is a state of mind.

:: A GIRL I NEVER KNEW ::

2005-10-28T12:03:00.000+10:00

Last night:

Catherine: Did you know the cute chick who worked at ######? The #### guy's girlfriend..
Me: (interested, as always when I hear about cute chicks) Nope.. why?
Catherine: She commited suicide on Monday.
Me: What? How?
Catherine: She hung herself in the storeroom.
Me: Whoa. Was she like..
Catherine: Nah you would have never thought.. she was always so happy.. everytime she came by she'd say "how's it going--" she was always smiling and she was such a beautiful girl..
Me: So did she just like use some rope or something?
Catherine: I don't know.. apparently they sent her to get something from the storeroom and she never came back. So they sent another girl down to see what was going on and she found her workmate just..
Me: Oh shit that's fucked up.
Catherine: (teary eyed) Like you know some people you'd look at and think yeh.. but with her you'd never think.. she was so beautiful. and so happy..
Me: Shit that's fucked up man.
Catherine: This whole week, everytime I walk past the store I just keep hoping she'll be there.. like her face.. i just think somehow she'll be there today.. she'll be there today..
Me: God.. I wonder why..

I wonder why.

When I think about it, my heart sinks to my stomach and tears well up.

When did she decide to die?

How many people had the chance to speak to her?

What was going through her mind as she walked to the storeroom?

Why?

If only I could speak to her.

For five minutes. For two. For one.

I'd tell her of the hope that still breathes in this world. Of the sunshine she wouldn't see. The wind she wouldn't feel. The laughter she wouldn't hear.

I'd tell of people like my sister, who would give anything to see her smiling face again.

If only someone spoke to her.

If only someone made her feel.

A girl I never knew.

A life.

:: THE ONLY RULES THAT MATTER ::

2005-10-25T22:49:00.000+10:00

The only rules that really matter are these:
What a man can do;
And what a man can't do.
-Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean

Come to think of it, there's nothing much I can do.

And there are alot of things i can't.

But I guess when it comes down to it, there isn't much I won't do.

Especially if I can do it.

There are no certainties in this world, except that things will be uncertain.

And the rules?

Well, they exist simply to guide you to break them.

If you lose your mind in the process, you never owned it in the first place.

In the end, just do whatever you have to do to come back full circle.

Because in the beginning, you never understood anyway.

:: ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? ::

2005-10-23T22:35:00.000+10:00

Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the plural of spouse be spice?
-Pinky and the Brain, in Pinky and the Brain

You a invited to join a psychological study.

To participate, just think of any two digit number.

Just make sure the number is less than 50 and both digits are odd.

Quick.

Now let me guess the number you are thinking of.

Click on the comments.

:: BRAIN CAPACITY ::

2005-10-19T18:43:00.000+10:00

You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts. -Owen Wilson as John Beckwith, Wedding Crashers

What is the capacity of our brains anyway?

I have a 20 gigabyte iPod which currently has enough songs on it to keep me happy for over two thousand minutes. This means that it would take me almost two months of train rides to and from work to have listened to each song on my library. And that’s using only just above a quarter of the iPod’s capacity. Ridiculous. And now Apple has come out with the Nano which is but a fraction of the size. At a time where gadgets are getting smaller, faster and definitely more beautiful, my brain feels like an obsolete piece of junk.

So I decided to find out how my brain compares. After all, I’d like to know that I could sell my brain for more than $499 on eBay.

Let’s just say I was a little reassured by what I found. The human brain, it appears, has a capacity of about.. wait I don’t even know how to say this number. But it’s big. If you got 10 and multiplied it by itself 8432 times, well, that’s how many bytes your brain can hold.

Take a second to think there.

Yep that’s right. That’s a 1 followed by 8434 zeros.

Let me put that into perspective. If my iPod and my brain had the same size-capacity proportions, my brain would be large enough to hold the water from more than 30 olympic sized swimming pools.

Or if you prefer to use coke, it would require more cans than could fill a tennis court six thousand cans high. That’s over 700 metres high. The World Trade Towers, God rest their souls, were a mere 400 metres tall.

Now.. if only.. I could get it to play music..

:: HALF ASSED MIND DUMP ::

2005-10-16T22:52:00.000+10:00

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote in here.

To tell the truth, I did make a number of futile attempts, but couldn't be fucked halfway. Where have my lush creative juices gone?

Lush creative juices my ass. More like unflavoured, watered down milk. Make that unflavoured, watered down skim milk.

Anyway, so I’ve decided that tonight I’m just going to make this a mind dump and post it unedited. I hate mind dumps.

Well here I go: no more backspace, arrow, or mouse usage until the end. Where do I begin? I’, going to start with how I feel. Whoops. Does this include spelling mistakes? Oh.. I guess so. You’re going to have to make do.

Now I feel like I’m under extreme pressure to get it right the first time. Which reminds me, I went to Myer yesterday to buy a wedding present for Yej (who is getting married next week) and I had to write a message to go with the present with the bridal registry chick looming over me. Geez, don’t some people know how to give some privacy? Not that it really matters because she would kinda have to read it while she typed it into the system. For those of you who don’t know, Yeji was my girlfriend of two years a few years ago. We ended on good terms and stayed good friends. Well, that was until things started getting serious between the two of them, which is when I kinda took a step back and let them fdo their thing.

Can men and women be friends? People say guys can’t do it because they just want sex. Which is true, to a certain extent. There does need to be some sort of physical attraction. I mean, why do people flock to Paris and Florence and Venice? Why are nice restaurants harbourside and not countryside?

Look, I don't want to knock ugly chicks but lets face it, there's only so long you can drive behind a schreeching oversized dump truck without getting annoyed. Oh and nothing against fat chicks either. I kinda like.. the way.. your arms wobble.

Anyway back to the friends thing. Like many things in life, you just need to make sure you draw a line. Well, if she’s hot you might consider drawing it in with a pencil (remember to press very lightly and keep an eraser handy). Otherwise, use thick red enamel and stick a post-it on your penis. It’s a very fine balance but one which can be maintained quite easily once you’ve found the exact counterweight. Just find the best looking non-bonkable chick and then go and see if she has a personality. Wait, some of you are thinking, is there such thing as a non-bonkable chick?

You horny fuckers.

:: I'VE STARTED WATCHING DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES ::

2005-10-02T23:48:00.000+10:00

Yes I remember the world. Every detail.
And what I remember most is how afraid I was.
What a waste.
You see, to live in fear, is not to live at all.
I wish I could tell this to those I left behind. But would it do any good?
Probably not.
I understand now- there will always be those who face their fears
and there will always be those who run away.
-Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives episode 3

Yep. I've begun watching episodes of Desperate Housewives, and after three episodes I must say that it's not really my thing. I can see how it would easily have the typical married woman hooked though.

edit 11:21 19102005 Ok. Ok. So I take this comment back. The one about Desperate Housewives not being my thing. Subsequent to writing this, I've watched the entire first season, the first three episodes of the second season and now am desperately (no pun intended) waiting for the third episode to be uploaded for my viewing pleasure. /edit

Anyway, this bit at the end of the third episode (where I'm up to) surprised me because, well.. I don't know actually. I guess I wasn't expecting to find something I'd write down while watching Desperate Housewives.

:: CHEER, CHEER THE RED AND THE WHITE ::

2005-09-25T11:59:00.000+10:00

image removed

Swannies: 2005 Champions.

An awesome grand final played in front of a packed MCG. Ok wait, before I go on, see if you can spot the first thing I noticed when I saw this photo as I was choosing which to include in my collage. Look carefully:

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First things first: Yes, I'm a bandwagon jumper.

So yeah- I'm probably not as ecstatic as you die hard fans who have been waiting seven decades for the Swannies to bring home the Flag, or Suk and Alex who paid over a grand each just to be at the game, but if you caught a glimpse of me on tv*, then you'd know I'm reasonably happy.

But that aside, God oh God what a game. And what a team.

I happened to be in Melbourne for work during finals week and stayed the weekend upon news that Suk and Alex were flying down. Oh the buzz! The excitement! Desperate to get in, I Walked aound the MCG holding a sign which had scrawled "Need Tickets!". We (Me and Eddy) were lucky enough to get relatively cheap tickets in. Inside, it was a sea of red and white, and of blue and yellow- supporters on both sides making trips interstate to cheer on their boys.

And they didn't dissapoint. Both sides playing great football in what (I'm told) was one of the most exciting finals in history.

And a fairy tale ending to what has been an thrill for bandwagoners such as myself, and what must be sweet, sweet satisfaction for loyal supporters.

Yep. I think they've won my heart. Go you Swannies!

Oh and the photo:

image removed

Did you notice her eyes?
-----------------------------------
Yes, if you saw someone and thought "Shit, did I just see HORNY at a AFL game singing his fucking head off?"- it was me. Haha- who would have thought.

:: THE PERENNIAL QUESTION::

2005-09-19T13:11:00.000+10:00

I visited a friend's blog yesterday and he was asking himself: What is life?

From his ravings i gathered he was having a hard time, so this is really for him. But if you want to listen in, here's HORNY's guidelines to successful living:

1. Know yourself.
Sun Tzu wrote*: If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. Too often we** get caught up trying to know our enemy (in our context, enemy refers to things that are not us, that is, people we deal with everyday, our family, our partners, the situations we face and so on). When things go wrong, we are often quick to push the blame. Stephen Covey, in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, explains that accepting responsibility plays a crucial part of developing yourself. Let's go one step further: before you scope out your situation; before you ponder over the character of your boss; and certainly before you make any decisions at all, make sure you know yourself. Questions you may want to ask yourself include: What do I enjoy doing most, and am I doing it? What is my decision making process? How do I deal with conflict? What are my core values, and in which order would they rank? I could go on forever, but you get the point. Oh, and theres a reason why this one is number one. I think it's the most important.

2. Be firm in matters of principle, be flexible in those which are trivial.
Once you know yourself, you need to be firm in what you believe in. Speak your mind, challenge the status quo, don't waver an inch from your post. But only for those values most important to you. The world, for good or for ill, is full of people and like it or not, you are going to have to deal with people who think differently to you. So be flexible. Accomodate. Negotiate. Throw away your lofty romantic notions and embrace life. Life is for living- not for sticking poles up your ass.

3. Sacrifice.
The basis to any strong relationship is sacrifice. Call me traditional, or whatever you want, but this is a universal truth. There is a simple catch to this simple truth: sacrifice is only possible under the most exceptional circumstances. If you find a friend you can truly sacrifice for, your life is already worth living. Sacrifice is not about giving and expecting not to recieve anything in return. It's about not expecting at all.

4. Take your opportunities.
Good opportunities are few and far between. Great opportunities come once, maybe twice in a lifetime. Be careful: before you are able to take an opportunity, you must first be able to identify your opportunities. They key to doing this is to 1. know what you want; 2. know what is compatible with you; and most importantly 3. be prepared. You may remember my previous post about the Law of the Window. Remember opportunities are not lost, they are taken by those who are more prepared than you.

5. Slipstream.
Have you ever watched the Tour de France? There's a reason why cyclists travel behind each other. The lead rider "breaks" the air allowing the cyclists behind to ride with less air resistance. This means you can travel just as fast using less effort (and also is the reason why they take turns leading). Anyway what I'm saying is: align yourself with people who are going places. Find a mentor. Find two. Increase your networks. You want to at least know someone who knows someone that's in the know. Your forefathers didn't hunt for woolly mammoths alone you know. Neither should you. And you don't want to be hunting with the skinny fisherman from the village across the lake.

6. Show your affection to those you love.
Take the time to share your feelings. Have the courage to do something new. Make the effort in ensuring they know. Finding a person is hard enough, don't go complicating things because you're too busy or too scared or too lazy to do something about it.

7. Never be too proud to say sorry.
There is something profound about speech. Knowing you're sorry, even them knowing you're sorry just doesn't cut it. Speak it. If that's not enough then get on your knees and beg. If you die without saying the sorry that you should have, may your soul be cast into the deepest darkest abyss and never remebered.

8. Experience passion.
No, I don't mean have sex. Passion refers to our emotional extremes: love, hate, fear, exhiliration, despair and so on. Don't be scared to be hurt. The sweetest sound is the sound of silence after the storm. When you know your emotional limits you will have the courage to take on anything that comes your way.

9. Learn.
Read. Listen. Explore. Knowing about the world we live in; the history of it's people; the experiences of those around you, all equip you to understanding both yourself and others.

10. Never hoard.
To recieve you must first give. This is the law of the world. There is no value in locking up what you have: be it money, knowledge, effort or emotions. New things are created when things are let go.

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*Sun Tzu: Art of War. If you haven't already read it, read it. It's a philosophical adventure.
**Once again, "we" refers to us in a collective sense- us humans that is. Yes, it is a sweeping generalisation and if you feel that anything i say does not apply to you, well, you're most probably right. Then again, you may be wrong.

:: CAMPING AT VIOLET HILL ::

2005-09-18T18:21:00.000+10:00

A group of us (Suk, Mank, Nesa, Fats, Pov and myself) decided to go camping over the weekend. We headed to Violet Hill in the Myall Lakes region planning to set up camp and go on a short trek. Sure enough, when we arrived there, we decided the trek from our cars to the lakeside was short enough and it wasn't long before we started a small campfire and lazed around.

There's something mesmirising about fire. The way the flames dance around I just can't help putting shit in there. I am certain that I'm a pyromaniac.

Nesa bought three kilos of pork rashers, snags and a snapper. Fuck we ate to the point where we were fatigued just from eating. If you've never eaten that much, trust me- it's alot. Anyway, this is the kookaburra that was brave enough to fly in and eat the snag which fell on the ground.

The weather was beautiful and soon evening began to set in. If you look closely, you can just make out the moon rising over the trees.

It was a full moon, or close to, which made for a romantic mood. Romantic my ass- we ate the night away, drinking booze (the shiraz was good, the bourbon not so good), smoking and toasting marshmellows over the fire.

I fell asleep outside and woke to the sound of leaves softly rustling in the wind. I took this photo at 5:30 which captures the tranquil morning pretty well.

As I sat on the banks of the lake, the ducks put on a bit of a show- flapping around and diving under for fish.

I took one last photo before I jumped bak into the warmth of my sleeping bag. It's a nice place Myall Lakes. The plan is to come back again (this was our second time) to kayak down the lake. Let me know if you're interested.

:: SUNDAY, A FEW WEEKS BACK ::

2005-09-15T21:31:00.000+10:00

A few weeks back we held a memorial service for our grandmother. My family has always been very close knit: amongst my earliest and happiest memories are the memories of our large family gatherings.

image removed

I'm told my grandmother was a dear, warm hearted mother who would not stop at any sacrifice for her children. She passed away a few months before I was born. Maybe it's her love that keeps us together.

image removed

We (my cousins) don't meet up as much anymore. Geez it was good to be all together.
This is Tammy. She looks kinda cute eh? Whoever took that photo is not too bad...

Me and my sister Catherine. Or Caffrine (as I call her).

:: A FEW PRECEPTS ::

2005-09-13T12:55:00.000+10:00

And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character.
Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade.
Beware of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice.
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not expressed in fancy; rich not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

-Polonius, to Laetes as he prepares to sail. Hamlet Act I Scene III

:: SCOOTER ::

2005-09-08T21:19:00.000+10:00

Edit: This is an old picture of Scooter. I've replaced the one my sister took because, well Scooter looks better in this photo (meaning it's a better photo because I'm not in it)

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting my him: this is my dog Scooter.

Scooter is half Chihuahua and half Jack Russell terrier. I've had him since he was about two months old. On the trip home he became car sick and puked on my leg. The puke was the size of a fifty cent coin.

Needless to say, he was a feisty puppy- digging holes in the garden and under fences to escape the constraints of our back yard. And I swear he was the fastest dog that ever lived. When I used to run in the park, he'd spot me from miles away and come running as fast as lightning. I loved those days, running in the park with him.

When Scooter would get excited, he'd jump up really high. When I'd come home from school he would hear me coming and greet me with his welcoming sounds. He'd jump so high that when I stuck my hand over the fence he would jump and touch it with his nose.

But Scooter is old now. Really old.

I came home late today, which is normal for me these days, and as I walked up my driveway to my front door Scooter said hello. I normally dont go to the back to see him but it was a sad hello.

This is me and Scooter. I called my sister outside to take a photo of us.

I think Scooter is going to die soon.

:: GREED AND PROGRESS ::

2005-09-08T00:08:00.000+10:00

Did you know that if you drew the solar system to scale, with the Earth reduced to about the diameter of a pea, Jupiter would be over three hundred metres away and Pluto would be two and a half kilometres distant (and about the size of a bacterium, so you wouldn't be able to see it anyway)?

On the same scale, Proxima Centauri, our nearest star, would be 16,000 kilometres away. Even if you shrank down everything so that Jupiter cas as small as the full stop at the end of this sentence, and Pluto was no bigger than a molecule, Pluto would still be over 10 metres away. Puts things in perspective doesn't it? The universe is HUGE. So huge actually that average distance between stars is over 30 million million kilometres*. I can't even begin to imagine how far that is, but suffice to say, it's far.

So here are we, you and I, two utterly insignificant beings (both in terms of time and space) pondering well, whatever it is we are pondering.

What's the fucking use really? I mean, who cares? Stars will keep shining, planets will keep turning and people- (rolls eyes) people will go on living.

Ah.

But things are relative right? Each object's position in space is only defined by its relative position to another. One second for me and one second for you are only the same because we are travelling at the same speed through space (let's discuss Relativity in more detail later). Back to what I was beginning to say. We don't measure ourselves relative to the stars, we measure ourselves relative to each other.

Relativity, in the sociological sense, is what Oooga Oooga the cave man came to realise when he saw Oooh La La, his best friend's wife. You see, us humans have an inherent flaw. We see something better, and we want it.

Greed. Ambition. Vigour.

Whatever. Call it what you want. But this feeling (I'm going to call it Greed, because I like the word. It sounds animalistic) is what has driven us to what we are today.

Let's assume, for simplicity, the world began with three people- Fred, Homer and Tim. Each person had to fish (to eat), build a house (for shelter) and make t-shirts out of leaves (to stay warm). For the first few days, buoyed by the euphoria of being alive in this new world, each person survived by catching a few meagre fish, keeping warm by rubbing themselves and sleeping on the rocky ground under a pile of gathered leaves. However, soon each realised that they would not survive like this for long.

Fred on most days, being a good fisherman, spent half of the day fishing and ate his fill. The rest of his time he spent trying to maintain a makeshift shelter and adjust his clothing, which regularly fell apart.

Homer on most days, being a good house builder, spent most of the day building his house, making good progress. The rest of his time he spent struggling to find something to eat and hardly ever had clothes to wear.

Tim on most days, being a good t-shirt maker, spent his most of his time making the warmest, spunkiest t-shirts which made him feel sexy. The rest of the time he spent trying to find sticks for his hut and ate what little he could find.

Soon Homer finished his house and Fred and Tim saw how convenient it was now that Homer had plenty of time to fish and make t-shirts. One day Fred had an idea and went to Homer's house. If I would feed you, he asked, would you build my house? Homer agreed. Soon Tim caught on as well. So each was now Specialised**. And so life continued.

Fred soon realised that to feed many people, he could not use a simple rod like he used to. He needed to Innovate**. Thinking hard, he came up with a ingenious idea: if he could only get into the middle of the sea and use a big net type thing.. This led to the Invention** of the boat and the fishing net. He also realised that using a fishing net required less people and therefore allowed his children (okay- they all have wives and children now) to work for Homer.

Homer realised that to build houses in a reasonable period of time, many hands are required. He therefore employed Fred's and Tim's children to increase Productivity**. Increased Productivity, he realised, meant more houses he could build which in turn meant that he could purchase (in whatever exchange system they had at the time) the new Design** in Tim's shop.

I've got to sleep so I'll edit and redo this story later.

But what I'm trying to say is:

Because we (and I'm taking about "we" in the collective sense- you know, everyone in the world) are Greedy, we need to Specialise to take advantage of our skills. Each person is good at different things so it is important to know what you are good at, and then DO what you are good at.

Sometimes our Greed exceeds our current capacity. In this case we need to Innovate and Invent. Innovation (or Invention) allows things to be performed efficiently. This not only is easier, it increases Productivity.

Increased Productivity means more output for the same level of effort. This allows for excess capacity which can be spent making things beautiful or what is called Design. Design not only makes things beautiful, it makes things easier to use, easier to see, easier to access.. you know what I mean.

If you dont follow, start from here: without the fishing boat, three people had to fish each day.

Freeing up capacity has allowed society to fund philosophers, innovators, artists and politicians. Anyway, what I'm saying is, we owe the quality of life we have today to our inherent Greed.

Did I go on a tangent somewhere?

Fuck who cares. Time to sleep.

Edit this shit later.

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*adapted from A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson.
**More on these later.

:: SEXY REDS IN FORM ::

2005-08-30T11:24:00.000+10:00

Roons celebrates after scoring the winner at St James Park.

Ruud seals it. Sexy United, oh so sexy.

:: THE KING AND THE WELL ::

2005-08-19T10:47:00.000+10:00

'Im going to tell you a story,' said Zedka. 'A powerful wizard, who wanted to destroy and entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank from that water would go mad.

'The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, and which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and inspectors, however, had also drunk the poisoned water and they thought the king's decisions were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.

'When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdication.

'In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him, saying: "Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then we'll be the same as them."

'And that was what they did: the king and the drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?'

-excerpt from Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho

:: THE LAW OF THE WINDOW ::

2005-08-17T11:37:00.000+10:00

If you were waiting for your opportune moment.. that was it.
-Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

During the course of our daily lives we are faced with millions of decisions. We are, quite literally, decision making machines.

Often, the determinants of our decisions are based on our perceptions on our chances of success (I refer here to Decisions of Pleasure* rather than Decisions of Necessity**). Let me introduce the Law of the Window, and discuss it's importance in your chances of success.

You are madly in love with someone. What are your chances of success?
You are want to make a career move. What are your chances of success?
You want to start a business. What are your chances of success?

Traditional thinking places emphasis on Ability. Ability here refers to both tangible and intangible qualities which directly relate to the subject at hand. For example, for a male courting a member of the opposite sex (or the same if you are someone like Eddy), Ability will be a function of qualities such as looks, intelligence, charisma, dress sense and the limit on his credit card. For a woman considering a career move it may be how sexy she is, technical skills, people skills and whether she of a child bearing age (in that order). You get the jist.

In reality however, and as you would probably have come to realise, Ability and success do not go hand in hand.

This is because success is determined by other factors: Courage and Window.

Success Factor = (Ability x Courage)^Window

Courage refers to factors such as the confidence level of the individual and measures whether you actually have the guts to go make the move in the first place. Sometimes and depending on the situation, this can be sexy and increase the perception of your ability. If you are a pussy, then it would diminish or even negate your perceived ability altogether. For most cases, I'd estimate this value to be between negative 0.5 and positive 1.53972.

And now we come to the Window. Pay careful attention because, as you can see, the Window has an pivotal role in determining your success.

The Window here refers to the window of opportunity. Timing.

When the timing is right, your chances of success are exponentially enhanced. When the timing is wrong (note: wrong, not bad), you best turn right back around because no matter what your Ability, you are going to fail. Miserably.

Windows are opened and closed every day. Some Windows can be opened from the outside and some not.

Often a Window is harder to open the second time, and is extremely hard to open the third. Most Windows, when closed, become boarded up so thick that it would be easier to break a hole in the wall. Some Windows grow spikes which attack you when you go near. It is therefore very handy to know the specifications of your Window before you fuck with it.

Know when your Windows are open. It is often better to climb the wall than to go and get the ladder.

Be mindful of when they will close. A Window which has opened and closed is worse than no Window at all.

And Know which Windows are not locked from the inside. Trying to open a locked Window is futile, time consuming and extremely hazardous to your health.

Keep to the Law of the Window.

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*Decisions of Pleasure: decisions which affect higher needs (Maslow)- e.g. love, esteem, self acualisation needs.
**Decisions of Necessity: decisions which affect basic physiological needs- e.g. food, water, air, shelter.

:: THE FLUTTER OF A BUTTERFLY'S WINGS ::

2005-08-14T18:49:00.000+10:00

The real test of any choice is: Would I make the same choice again?
No one can see beyond a choice they dont understand. -The Oracle, The Matrix Revolutions

If you could somehow make the same choice again, with the same scope of knowledge, would the same choice be made?

Ah, thats the catch, isn't it?

If you haven't caught on yet I am talking about the fact that we are, by no fault of our own of course, myopic.

Myopia. Short-sightedness. Not being able to see the bigger picture.

Unfortunately for us, the choices we make are not absolute. That is to say, the choice of a certain individual will inadvertantly set into action a chain of events which we have no possibe way of knowing beforehand. This is of course, the Butterfly Effect*: the flutter of a butterfly's wings in Rio being the cause of a tornado in Florida.

So then, with an infinite set of possible outcomes, how can one analyse any choice? Which is better: path A or path B? Does the marginal cost outweigh the marginal benefit? Should we roll die or toss coins? Are we to be lost in the yellow woods of our lives where the road fucking diverges at every turn?

Ah- I sigh. Knowing of not knowing. The Oracle was right. All we can do is make the best choice we can.

There is no such thing as an alternative outcome.

No such thing as a could have been.

No such thing as a better choice.

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*The Butterfly Effect (Lorenz) is a phrase that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. The idea is that small variations in the initial conditions of a dynamical system produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system.- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect

:: LIFE IS A CUL-DE-SAC OF MISTAKES ::

2005-08-13T23:58:00.000+10:00

Life has a funny way of going in circles. History repeats itself. Like a cul-de-sac of mistakes.

On a brighter note, I visited the Art Gallery of NSW today, the first time since I quit my course at COFA. Pleasantly surprised to catch the Dobell Prize for Drawing exhibition but having only an hour, I did a relatively quick circle pausing only for works which interested me. In the final atrium (of two), the winning work by Kevin Connor took me by surprise. My thought process:
1. This can't be the winner.
2. All it is is scribbly lines.
3. Oh I can see a guy in there. Oh no there's another one.
4. Wait. This is actually quite good.
5. Whats the title? Ler Grand Pal-ay, Cler-men-cow, der Goll and me? Good title.
6. So how many guys is that? One, two, three, four. Four.
7. Oh there's another. But where's the fourth dude?
I was in concentrated thought when an elderly couple stood beside me, the man pointing out one figure, and the lady another. Removing my earphones I said I think there are four figures. Why? Well, I replied pointing out the third, it's implied in the title. The lady read the title, pronouncing in perfect french: Le Grand Palais, Clemenceau, de Gaulle and me.
8. Why of course! The palace! Those must be slight outlines of the domes.
The man made some lame joke about how we make a good team and went off. I wonder if I will crack lame jokes when I'm old. I wonder if that old man was once the recipient of a lame old man's joke. Is it possible that he once made up his mind to not say lame things when he got old? Maybe aging just makes people inherently lame and impotent and not suitable to be on the road.

Anyway, so I am recommending this exhibition for anyone who likes this kind of shit. For those like Wayne: http://www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au/media/current/dobell_prize_05_winner has a pic. If you are planning to go though, I suggest you see the real thing the first time. The pic doesn't do it justice.

:: HORNY'S BLOG IS BACK ::

2005-08-08T22:24:00.000+10:00

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." -Goethe